Stages of Grief

One of the best known stage models and one that almost all of us unfortunately are familiar with is the Stages of Grief, which were outlined by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her seminal book On Death and Dying. The first stage — denial — is defined by thoughts like “This cannot be happening to me.” Next comes anger, which makes the grieving person difficult to console. In our culture people are typically very uncomfortable with any kind of pain or suffering, so a person who has suffered a trauma and who is in the angry stage becomes that much easier for people to avoid. The third stage is bargaining, a desperate negotiation with a higher power in regard to more time or a change in circumstance. The fourth stage brings depression. Finally, the fifth stage yields acceptance. Because most of our society remains so ill at ease with the fact that we all must die, pressure is sometimes placed upon the grief stricken to “get over it.” Stages cannot be skipped. They are a natural process and part of life.